Grief
I remember the death of my mother and father, after months and years of anguished prayer for their healing. I was devastated, feeling betrayed by God, and went numb inside.
I just gave up on my passionate pursuit of God. Still attended church, and fellow-shipped with friends, but felt like a spectator, totally dis-attached from any feelings. Numb. Then, I was invited to a healing circle with a group of Inuit women.
Felt really out of place, being the only man there, but they were elders in their community, and I was a spiritual leader there, so out of respect for them, I went. We sat in a circle in a classroom in an Inuit school, and someone had brought a boom box, and put on a worship CD from Benny Hinn. We all held hands, and began to pray in tongues, to see what Holy Spirit had in mind for that meeting. One of the elders began to gently weep, then sob, then spoke in Inuk-tutu, that they needed to pray for me, for my broken heart, my ministry.
Someone translated, and I allowed them to gather around me, and began to pray. Gently, they laid hands upon my shoulders, and began to weep, then sob, then groan and wail with an intensity that was pretty freaky at first. Still, I was like a spectator at the event, totally detached from the proceedings. Then as the intensity of their prayer reached a level I had never seen before, the Holy Spirit touched me, and a dam broke over my heart, and a savage river of God’s love and comfort rushed into me, and I began to shake, then sob, then fell on the floor weeping and wailing as God removed mountains of grief, and anger, and stress, and frustration, and misunderstanding from my heart, bringing His comfort, peace, and life to my heart. I knew that I didn’t understand yet, but that I would, and He would explain, and that my calling and election were sure. I walked with these elders for five years of my life, where the deep waters of Gods Spirit live, and miracles are as conman as breathing. Now, it is my turn to groan, weep and wail, for I see again the depth of pain that comes from grief. And so we bear one another’s burdens, so fulfilling the law of Christ.
Let’s Pray:
‘Father, for those who are where I was at, numb from the brutality of trauma, loss, and life, may You meet them in power, in a savage breakthrough of Your love. Just as You raised Jesus from the dead in power, reach into the tomb of where they are, and raise them again into life, love, and passion again. I ask, because You did it for me, and I know I am heard, for I ask in Your name Lord Jesus.’ Amen.
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